08 December 2016

HEROCULTS


Out of nowhere, while the WIPSters were casually talking about yoga breastfeeding, the nutritional content of vampire urine and the merits of different epoxy putties, the subject of the sad Heroquest 25th boardgame arose. That's when Crooks found that picture and everything changed forever...

(beware, non-sense ahead...)


Captain Crooks
I'd probably buy that game. That's not the 25th anniversary one though

Cheetor
I like the ghost.
And the robot, lolz.

Asslessman
cyborc is cool
these guys were definitely having fun

Captain Crooks
I have the urge to make every model there. Like a shit version of that Boris guy

Cheetor
That looks like the perfect game to start playing on a Saturday at 1045hrs.

Asslessman
The Barbarian has even more muscles than the original

Cheetor
I wonder if they have back story?

Asslessman
Just look at them for 2 seconds and they do

Captain Crooks
I wont rest till I find out

Captain Crooks
https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/98734/herocults

Herocults

In this fantasy game, one of the players takes the role of the master, whose task is to prepare the game distributing several flagstones (which triggers different events when a hero stumbles upon them) and placing and later controlling the evil characters through the different halls and corridors of t...



Captain Crooks
It's a real game

 





Captain Crooks
Amaze graphics

Asslessman
Galax the cyborc…

Cheetor
Carta Favorable... I wonder what they do?

Captain Crooks
Is that green guy named Sauron??
Carta is map, surely?
Favourable map??

Cheetor
We can start a Scale Creep project:
Herocult Hero Cunts
I have dibs on Galax.
I hope that the snake is a playable character.

Cheetor


Asslessman
Aw fuck, I wanted Galax !

Cheetor
Carta is cards or documents too James, like the Magna Carta.
I'll take the snake if it's playable JB.

Captain Crooks
Ah. Favourable cards

Asslessman
I can settle on Zuongo otherwise

Captain Crooks
Nice to eliminate doubts there

Cheetor
I think that I want to play that game more than HeroQuest.

Asslessman
I'm struggling to figure if Crooks should have the Barbarian or Gigant
who's the most naked and muscular ?

Cheetor
I like the accidental photo bombing griffon in the front left.

Captain Crooks
I'll make them fight for the honour

Asslessman
Gigant has a better name
his name is already a promise he's pushing things too far

Cheetor
"Sqwhaaaaatt?"

Asslessman
and although the pic don't show, I'm sure he's bigger

Captain Crooks
Gigant looks tiny in the pic. He is either huge and very far away or just very ironically titled

Cheetor
To me my snakes! My cloak is aflame!




Captain Crooks
LOL

Asslessman
The dreaded Cormar summons adders and fire.

Cheetor
That guy is balancing a wasabi croissant on his head.
Herocult (that name...) looks like slam dunk hilarity for a hotel bar some time.

Asslessman
agreed

Captain Crooks
"Smothering coils just like we practiced! This is not a drill!"

Cheetor

"In this fantasy game, one of the players take the role of the master, whose task is to prepare the game distributing several flagstones (wich triggers different events when a hero stumbles upon them) and placing and later controlling the evil characters through the different halls and corridors of the board. The other players receive a "route card", which details the path their hero must follow through the game. The first to complete his route wins the game.

A quite simplified and obvious HeroQuest knock-off."


That's the description on BGG.

The Route Cards sound potentially funny.

Captain Crooks
I've read it three times and I'm still none the wiser about Carta Favourable


Asslessman
you've got to accept a bit of mistery mec

Captain Crooks
We should write the game ourselves with only that description as a guide

Cheetor
Treasure Cards. Buffs. Community Chest.

Asslessman
Maybe they made the cards but never actually had time to add the rules for them in the rule leaflet ?

Cheetor
We would ruin it Crooks. We would write something that kinda worked.

Asslessman
Like those parts in videogames which aren't fully implemented

Cheetor
The only review :

https://www.boardgamegeek.com/thread/1626280/rompiendo-una-lanza-por-herocults


Captain Crooks
I'm so translating that

Asslessman
Do you know any spanish ?


Captain Crooks
Not even

Asslessman
good then
I'll only accept a 100% google translation

Cheetor
I read it.
It's less co-op than HQ.

Captain Crooks
Yeah the translation was good
Seems like combat was good
Each player has their own agenda

Cheetor
I like the agenda.
The fighting looks interesting with the two dice, but comparing a result with 40 or something sounds a bit ass.

Asslessman
Sorry for the prejudices but everyone having his own agenda is so latin

Asslessman
I'm sure their 2 main concerns were the coop part and the lack of cyborc

Captain Crooks
Our version would have the Barbarian, Gigant the halfling, Sauron and a snake as the playable characters

Asslessman
They fixed both issues

Captain Crooks
Fixed like a BOSS



Asslessman

which are the real 4 playable characters?


Captain Crooks

As if anyone can know that

I told you

Heroes the Barbarian

Gigant the halfling

Sauron the walking head and a snake


Asslessman

ok


Captain Crooks

Oh fine

I think it's the second from top left and the three to the right of him

Asslessman

I really like how HEROE seems to be doing all the work on teh cover while the others are either trying to bully or support him

Captain Crooks

Actually I'm wrong

All four playable characters are identical barbarians named Heroe

No joke


Asslessman

fuck me


Captain Crooks

Well they aren't named that

It's just the collective noun

A heroe of barbarians


Cheetor
Floydski speaks for me in this matter.




Asslessman
Indeed

Captain Crooks
For a skeleton he sure knows what's what

Asslessman
How many characters does this make then ?

Captain Crooks
4 playable

Asslessman
Total I meant


Asslessman
For a full set, including the photobombing gryphon ?

Captain Crooks
Oh right
Is the Griffin even in the game?

Asslessman
He has to

Cheetor
Jesus Christ, I think I'm in love...




Captain Crooks
It doesn't correspond to any of the character cards

Asslessman
The human skull must be another character

Captain Crooks
SPACEGO
The board game of going space!

Cheetor
SPACEGO is like Mother Teresa dying on the same day as Princess Diana.

Captain Crooks
Sgt Largeboots vs the Toydarians is what that picture should be called

Cheetor
If SPACEGO had shown up on a day without Herocult, it would have been headline news.

Captain Crooks
SPACEGO is destined to be the Space Crusade of cheap knockoffs -  harder to get into and harder to master but more rewarding for it

Probably

Probably not

Cheetor
We should do a Scale Creep project to recreate the cover of Herocult.

Asslessman
If it's worth doing it's worth overdoing...


14 comments:

  1. I should have put a ;) after "Carta Favorable... I wonder what they do?"...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, you genuinely had no idea. I was virtually there so I totes know this

      Delete
    2. I also said 1045 when I meant 2245.

      Also, the playable human skull character should be called "Floydski" in honour of that guy on BGG. Its science.

      Delete
    3. I just assumed Floydski came out of retirement from the star-studded board game character industry to review one of his early pieces.

      Delete
  2. This soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo needs to happen!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. im dying over here loling my assless off

      Delete
  3. Hollllly Shhhiiittt....that is too funny...if you are recreating that scene....I WANT IN!!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm so crying in laughter! :D
    Ahem, I'll be the living memory here (pull my beard out). So you have discovered the arcane misteries we enjoyed down here in Spain along early 90's (Both games were released about 91-92). So you can see the HQ25 issues are but kind of a... tradition.
    These games actually happened, sorry to inform you. No legal action was taken against Falomir Juegos as the market itself made it unnecessary. Falomir held a long tradition on reinterpreting games. Cool badasses, I say.
    Not really sure of what you actually have in mind, but hell, I'll take a seat for that...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cheetor wants to know if you own SPACEGO, and if so, will you sell it to him, and if so, will you translate it for him? :)

      Delete
    2. He does want to know that. Absolutely.

      That's great info Suber, thanks!

      Have you played SPACEGO or HEROCULT?

      Delete
    3. :D :D :D
      Sorry, I'm afraid I'm a shameful owner of HQ and SC, never got to play Herocults nor Spacego (which in fact sounds quite like 'Stratego' to me when you give 'spacego' a Spanish pronuntiation). Falomir Juegos has a long story producing unexpensive alternate versions of such games. Well, maybe these are particularly painful to the eye, but they've been on the market with versions of quite well spread games for more than three decades. Go google them :D

      Still unsure if Gamezone just emulated their business model for HQ25 or they came to the same road on their own...

      Delete
  5. Oh man, that is effing brilliant - I'm in love with this project already. Make it happen Scale Creepers!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yes, make it happen. It'll be fun to follow.

    ReplyDelete